Drawing, etc.

In my Drawing class my teacher assigned our next task to draw an enlarged wad of chewing gum. I love the idea of the texture and shadows in my head, but today I faulted on the delivery. It doesn't help that I was paranoid about having missed the last session and I am now almost two whole assignments behind in the course schedule... actually, since I have missed other days, I am behind by at least 4 assignments now. If I can finish the work before the next portfolio assessment I will be fine, so all I have to do is remember to force myself (as in stir the motivation, not "break into") to the art room and work until I feel I have completed the assignments. So why am I so hesitant to finish some simple work?

Tonight I suggested to myself that I can begin my second essay for my World Literature class, and I would work on my own topic of color symbolism across multiple works, or at least two different pieces of literature from different time periods. My boyfriend has told me in the past that I overthink everything and waste time thinking about failing or procrastinating than actually getting the job done- I know this very well. My expectations are skewed in every way on any level- whether I feel inaedquate socially, physically, or mentally, in my mind I am already the failure. Sometimes, however, I get a rush of energy and feel ready to take on anything- like a gym membership. Signing a contract for a private fitness instructor wasn't one of my better ideas, and I wonder how lucid I really was in making those kinds of decisions every once in a while.

I've spit out some doodles in pencil for this comic idea (more variations of the main character, Cassa) someone has brought up, yet already I feel that taking shortcuts in the visualization will make me fail the project altogether, so I have avoided it more than I would like. I've never been very good at drawing mechanically, but she suggested we work on building a world which has leaned toward an organic (no, not the 'save the planet' products) development instead of relying on the coal industry. Yes, coal is organic, but the methods of using its energy may change in this alternate reality, where the majority of the population decided on quality over quantity and wisdom over haste. She didn't specify coal as a key change in recent technological development, but I used coal as an example because I felt it is better than generalizing "technology" against "nature." There would have to be some link between evolution, magic, and the innovations of men (or nature, spirits/powers, and creatures- even better to symbolize with the triquetra!) Perhaps the massive, overarcing plot would be how these balances are tipped too far in one direction, or maybe the link is stretched too thin. Either way, it's gotta lead to something epic (thinking Wheel of Time- can't help myself).