Today

Am I doomed to mindless conditioning? I think that I have more appreciation of those who are less conditioned and more wise in their actions, much like the philosophy behind Gwyddon tradition. I know my failures are because of my constant reaction to conditioning- if I were to break from that cycle I know I could achieve more, but if my dream is to "fit in" will that accomplishment bring the rewards I wish for now or will it bring something else? Will I still love my own and uphold my beliefs in marriage, career, and friendship? It is frightening not knowing what you may discover, especially if you must discard much of what you hold sacred. There is one person whom I wish never to lose, and I am afraid that if I were to start on a path that my bias would interfere with the truth.

Don't believe- either you know or you don't- I couldn't agree more. This certainly ties into my strong Agnostic core but I've always felt left out of something greater- and that most other people are as well. Even ones who praise themselves, embracing immodesty and their pride when they themselves are some of the most conditioned, reactionary people I have met- even they seem misguided. I have been looking for a path that is individual and whole, meaningful and empty of BULLSHIT...a path that relies on my own body and experience, not drunkenness and hallucinogens.

A path where there is doctrine but no 101 Workshop in existence.