No More Koreans

As some may know, I was tutoring a young Korean girl during the fall. She attended a private school, the very one which I attended years ago, and her mother had her stay at close friend's home until the girl went back to Korea. She was bright, energetic, thoughtful, creative, spunky, and childish- and I got sacked by her mom.

I'll never know exactly why she didn't want the lessons anymore. It couldn't have been the girl's opinion, for she really enjoyed the 1 hour sessions, and I don't think it was the woman's opinion who she was staying with. While on the phone the girl's guardian couldn't explain in English why I couldn't go back anymore, but at the end of the conversation she said,

"It's not my opinion."

I felt terrible. I really enjoyed the whole experience and my time with her, for she was literally the brightest part of my day. Unfortunately, as I have been told many times now, the Korean culture doesn't appreciate anything outside of rigorous, soul-killing doctrine. It doesn't help when the girl you are trying to tutor is not too cooperative or focused everyday, yet I never felt that was insurmountable. I let her talk to me about anything she wanted to, provided she use enough English words to make me understand. The biggest problem this girl had was having the confidence to speak and think in English amongst those who would criticize her greatly, like her schoolteachers, her mother, and her guardian.

The reason I am even bothered by the whole situation is that the entire time I felt like I was failing her when she didn't remember words or sentence structure. The books she was given to work in were meant for a 1st grader, not an 11 year old Korean girl. I wasn't associated with the ESL, so I didn't have an open source to get better suited materials, yet I did go to the library to find books for her she would like. However, each week was the same. She didn't focus, she pouted, she wanted to play all the time, etc. Just as I was going to go back to tutoring her, to pick up on something we left off, I get the call that her mother doesn't want lessons anymore. I taught her songs, nouns, grammar, verb tenses, and had to explain why she shouldn't write or say the word "fuck." She had confidence with me, damnit, and that's really important when you've got a clusterfuck of education thrown at you.

Oh well. Maybe I really was too lax and all those lessons had nothing to show for it. I really hoped I could make something of the experience, but now all I've got is the reminder that I fail even at simple stuff that I really enjoy.